The "What pissed you off today" thread

Magnus Pym

Grudges rot the soul
I also grew up during that time, and I refuse to apologize for the way we were. It was a time when people knew how to take things, and just let them slide off. When we said "That's gay", never once did we mean that you were homosexual. The first band I was in, had a guitar player, who was gay, and nobody cared, nor did we treat him any differently from anyone else. He would use the term "that's gay" all the time. He knew it never meant anything bad about the gay community, it was just slang for "it sucks."
Yes I think that a word, especially a slang word, has many meanings depending on context. Many, as you say, were general insults which had no relationship with the actual meaning or the implied meaning. I remember a comedian doing a sketch about the word 'wanker' not being an insult as it applies truthfully and equally to almost every adult. 'Gay' was one of the least offensive homosexual insult term we regularly heard and used. @Robstafarian describes his condition with a word that was a general purpose insult over here when I was growing up to such an extent that the dedicated charity changed it's name and it's only used medically now. The name of local mental health facility was used as an insult (funnily enough I had some contact with the place in later life and it was an excellent facility). You probably don't have anything to feel guilty or apologise about - I think I probably do.
 
Definitions evolve. Times change. There will always be those who refuse to change with them.
Agree and I also like to add that things should ALWAYS be seen in the their full context. In modern time it seems people have too small an attention span to form their own opinion based on the full picture. That is not to say that we shouldn’t pay attention to people feeling belittled by the use of certain words, but it certainly doesn’t mean either that it is always a one way road between right or wrong, good or bad.

Also fucking people, fucking hell...! :p
 

ed lespaul

Well-Known Member
Agree and I also like to add that things should ALWAYS be seen in the their full context. In modern time it seems people have too small an attention span to form their own opinion based on the full picture. That is not to say that we shouldn’t pay attention to people feeling belittled by the use of certain words, but it certainly doesn’t mean either that it is always a one way road between right or wrong, good or bad.

Also fucking people, fucking hell...! :p
I disagree with his statement. Evolve means evolution. Some definition changes devolve. Also, people now believe they live on some high moral ground and they wake up wondering what they should be outraged about today. They believe they're some kind of activist, because it gives their meaningless life some kind of stature.

There was a interview with comedian Louie C.K., years ago, about the "R" word. He went into detail about how banning words is an incredibly stupid idea. He stated that "there have probably been a grand total of 2 instances in the last 4 decades where someone went up to a person with downs syndrome and called them a retard".

Since when have people been so weak that words make you run into a safe room and you need crayons? Words have always hurt when someone is saying something derogatory to you, but we learned to say "fuck that guy/girl, they're a dick, and get on with our lives."

I had a similar conversation with a teammate of mine, on the bus going home. He asked why people seem so weak these days. I said that's probably a 2 point answer. We're definitely weaker than our grandparents, who had to live through the possibility of a small country taking over the world. People were fighting that war at 16, 17 and 18 years old, en mass. Think about kids today, crying about words, and tell me they're as tough as our grandparents.

Second, a big part that is missing now is the punch in the face. When you were growing up, and you got out of line, you might get a punch in the face from a friend. It wasn't the first course of action, but if you continued, you might get hit. It hurt like a MF, and you realized that you did something wrong. Just that little 2 second thing, taught you how to act around others. I'm not talking about a bully, or anything like that. Just your friends, who let you know you were out of line.

Rant over, now back to work.
 
I disagree with his statement. Evolve means evolution. Some definition changes devolve. Also, people now believe they live on some high moral ground and they wake up wondering what they should be outraged about today. They believe they're some kind of activist, because it gives their meaningless life some kind of stature.

There was a interview with comedian Louie C.K., years ago, about the "R" word. He went into detail about how banning words is an incredibly stupid idea. He stated that "there have probably been a grand total of 2 instances in the last 4 decades where someone went up to a person with downs syndrome and called them a retard".

Since when have people been so weak that words make you run into a safe room and you need crayons? Words have always hurt when someone is saying something derogatory to you, but we learned to say "fuck that guy/girl, they're a dick, and get on with our lives."

I had a similar conversation with a teammate of mine, on the bus going home. He asked why people seem so weak these days. I said that's probably a 2 point answer. We're definitely weaker than our grandparents, who had to live through the possibility of a small country taking over the world. People were fighting that war at 16, 17 and 18 years old, en mass. Think about kids today, crying about words, and tell me they're as tough as our grandparents.

Second, a big part that is missing now is the punch in the face. When you were growing up, and you got out of line, you might get a punch in the face from a friend. It wasn't the first course of action, but if you continued, you might get hit. It hurt like a MF, and you realized that you did something wrong. Just that little 2 second thing, taught you how to act around others. I'm not talking about a bully, or anything like that. Just your friends, who let you know you were out of line.

Rant over, now back to work.
The thing I added was meant to illustrate that I think neither side of the argument is fully on the right side. Like many things it’s more grey.

A gay person or handicapped being offended by the derogatory use of the respective word has every right too feel that way. But at the same time it’s not like they are entitled to ‘ban’ a word like that, just like you started out. There is more to it for the word’s user. At the same time they could just shrug it off and get on with their lives. All valid options as far as I’m concerned.

At best in my honest opinion the least the person who used the word in the negative sense can do is accept that the ‘victim’ is hurt and explain he hadn’t meant it in such a way and would in the future refrain from using that in front of that person, which could for instance be in school, the workplace or whatever. On the other side he can shrug it off and get on with his life.

One personal example: Over here the literal translation of Cancer is also a curse word used to add negative load to another word, for example a cancer(ous) assignment (the ‘ous’ wouldn’t be used in Dutch). A classmate added that to pretty much everything he said. That was until we had another classmate had a relative pass away because of the actual illness. After being told so, he explained his (senseless) intent and agreed to watch his mouth in the other’s presence. He’d still use the word amongst others because it was just cool Lingo in his perception. Everyone lived happily ever after.

At the same time some words will just start becoming less common because of the above (and imho) natural development. In a sense the N-word is an example and in another way it isn’t because it became widely used by the rapscene, a sort of hipocrisy perhaps.

And to end on a positive note; whoever needs to resort to violence loses, period.
 

mirage2101

Well-Known Member
Oof that's an interesting conversation going on there..

Let me pick at some things..
people's sensitivity:
As you probably know in the netherlands we have "sinterklaas" wit his helper "black pete". People with an immigration background however few or many generations away have said "guys, like the party, but that black pete racial stereotype has got to go it's hurtful". To wich people responded "we've done that for years so we're not going to change our habits because they make you feel bad". Both side of the argument have used stronger words then this. (I'll leave out the rest of the discussion to keep things short but let's say there is a lot to talk about)
On the one hand, who feel insulted by him are a bit easily offended.
On the other hand, as soon as people ARE offended by what you do, maybe you should just stop doing it. make them rainbow petes and get on with the party. The kids don't care.
Both sides of this discussion are awfully easy to offend and ready to climb upon their soapbox to shout at the other party.
I might not mean anything bad by saying "that's gay" but if someone cringes every time I do.. I probably should find something else to say when I want to ridicule something.
Language, words and traditions develop and evolve and change with times. You might consider something going backwards but if that's what's needed to "survive" it will happen. And some things to aquire a certain emotional value over time and it's fine to acknowledge that.

re people missing a punch in the face:
I had a 19 year old intern, crying his eyes out because I told him what he was doing wasn't good enough. Another who actually left to finish his internship at another company because "he didn't get enough opportunities" (after we've been telling him for 2 months he needs to shape up because engineers aren't willing to take him along on jobs because he's lazy, complains and does bad work).
I won't fall into the grandad's telling pit.. But what I do see is that guys who've had a harder life, need to take care of their family, have had setbacks, tend to work a lot harder and are a lot more mature.
I think a lot of the younger generation now has had a pretty easy ride so far. exceptions there of course. While I know it's not a great feeling to get a punch in the face, it will force you to grow the fuck up.

In the end we are not perfect, our parents weren't perfect and our kids aren't (or won't be).
We'd all be a lot better off if we were a bit more ready to prevent hurting someone else instead of judging them over the same point. As for those kids that need to grow up.. Something will arise.. It used to be a couple of years service, or living in a shared house with 10 other smelly students, it'll be fun what the next thing will be where they grow up.
 

SemiCullen

Still haven't got the hang of Thursdays
I think, to distill some of what mirage gets at above ... we don't get to choose how other people react to the things we do. We can only control how we interact with and react to others. It usually doesn't cost me anything to be kind, so I try to be, as much as I can. I know not everyone feels that way and my opinions don't invalidate anyone else's. Just my perspective.

Any time I hear those of us in the older generations complaining about younger generations, though, I am reminded that older generations have ALWAYS complained about younger generations. They're different. They don't do things the way we did. I'm pretty sure those aren't bad things. They're just different things.
 

Chu

Well-Known Member
I also grew up during that time, and I refuse to apologize for the way we were. It was a time when people knew how to take things, and just let them slide off. When we said "That's gay", never once did we mean that you were homosexual. The first band I was in, had a guitar player, who was gay, and nobody cared, nor did we treat him any differently from anyone else. He would use the term "that's gay" all the time. He knew it never meant anything bad about the gay community, it was just slang for "it sucks."
I see where you're coming from and mirror that I'm not about to apologise for things that were said in a different era, that didn't intend on being harmful.

That said, by using words as insults there is a direction insinuation that it is something negative, something undesirable and to illicit shame; hence why it should be consigned to the past.
 

bad alice

Easily distracted and...OHLOOKAGUITAR!!!
I spoke a bit about how I feel the scale of complete ars*hole -> utterly brilliant person is the only scale that really matters in life over on here earlier.
I’m mentioning it again because my rules for life are:
1) Be kind. As much as you can. There'll be times that that’s reallyreallyREALLY hard to do but try your best to do it anyway. Everyone had shit going on in their lives you know nothing about. And you’d be AMAZED (and you might never understand) at how what might seem be the smallest, most trivial kind act to you can literally change someone else’s life for the better.
2) No one is better than anyone else. And no one is worse. We’re all the same.
3) The most important thing to remember about the scale above is that you don’t get to decide where you’re placed on it. It’s other people that make that decision.
:)
 

Wuzza

long time lurker
I spoke a bit about how I feel the scale of complete ars*hole -> utterly brilliant person is the only scale that really matters in life over on here earlier.
I’m mentioning it again because my rules for life are:
1) Be kind. As much as you can. There'll be times that that’s reallyreallyREALLY hard to do but try your best to do it anyway. Everyone had shit going on in their lives you know nothing about. And you’d be AMAZED (and you might never understand) at how what might seem be the smallest, most trivial kind act to you can literally change someone else’s life for the better.
2) No one is better than anyone else. And no one is worse. We’re all the same.
3) The most important thing to remember about the scale above is that you don’t get to decide where you’re placed on it. It’s other people that make that decision.
:)
I always give the cleaner in my local Sainsburys (supermarket/megamart to those across the pond) a smile when I see her, just to be friendly and cos I've done a similar job once.
I swear she thinks I'm a weirdo :p
(plus, I guess she's 20+ years younger than me, so I'm amazed I haven't been served a restraining order yet! :p)

edit- In fact I think if you've worked in retail, it gives you so much more of an affinity to those in shit/dead-end jobs. (not that retail in itself it shit, but damn, you get interact with some real arseholes...)
 
I can add catering to that. During high school I worked at a supermarket, albeit briefly, and during the rest of my studies I did catering. At both you’re occassionally treated like the lowest of humanity. The experience has added to my personality and my respect towards others in general. Sadly it doesn’t go the same way for everyone, some of my co-workers turned into outright arses... :p
 

ed lespaul

Well-Known Member
I ALWAYS talk to our cleaning people at work. Most people walk by them. Not me. I always acknowledge them, and have a conversation when time permits. I’m no better than them.

Most likely the reason is that the greatest man I’ve ever known, was a maintenance worker at a large financial corporation, my father.

I would stop by from time to time, and meet his crew, who all welcomed me like family. Most were maintenance workers, some were cleaning crew. Just incredible people, all.

When my father passed away, not only did all of them come to the wake, but a large portion of the financial workers came also, including most of the senior staff (DIrectors, VPs, etc). Most of the financial workers told me how much they loved my father. One told me that there were far more people at this wake (his), than when one of the senior staff passed away.
 

bad alice

Easily distracted and...OHLOOKAGUITAR!!!
Struggling a bit at the mo.
My Dad’s had a stroke and has been in hospital since Thursday.
He’s okay but his sight, recall and speech have been affected:(
I’m a bit all over the shop and really struggling with talking about it with anyone other than Mitch
Which is tricky as my brother and Mum are telling EVERYONE Facebook/Twitter/Instagram included.
I completely respect that they need to deal with stuff in the way that’s right with them and I’m genuinely 100% behind them doing that.
We all deal with shit in the ways that we do.
*HUGE deep breath in*
Maybe I need to open up more?
It’s bloody difficult though.
*sllllllllllllllowwwwwwwww exhale*
This is that happening.
Fhhk.
:cold:
 
Struggling a bit at the mo.
My Dad’s had a stroke and has been in hospital since Thursday.
He’s okay but his sight, recall and speech have been affected:(
I’m a bit all over the shop and really struggling with talking about it with anyone other than Mitch
Which is tricky as my brother and Mum are telling EVERYONE Facebook/Twitter/Instagram included.
I completely respect that they need to deal with stuff in the way that’s right with them and I’m genuinely 100% behind them doing that.
We all deal with shit in the ways that we do.
*HUGE deep breath in*
Maybe I need to open up more?
It’s bloody difficult though.
*sllllllllllllllowwwwwwwww exhale*
This is that happening.
Fhhk.
:cold:
My sympathies Suzy, I hope your dad comes out fully recovered! Big hugs your way.

My dad had a stroke when I was in high school. I left that morning already seeing that shit had definitely hit the fan there and then. My mom texted me around lunch time. I went to my teacher and told her I’d skip her German class. Once back home I carried my older sister, younger brother and even my dad’s dad. I should’ve dealt with it then but I didn’t. Talk to your loved ones about your needs now, even though it can be tough. It’ll save you and them a lot of struggles in the long run.
 
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