The proud (future) mommy & daddy thread

Wade Garrett

I am the projectionist.
#41
@Tankman , Thanks for saying that and I'm not offended. This is going to be a long reply to explain what I meant. When I say I am not much of a catch, is because of the state of my health and my current situation. Because of nerve damaged I suffered back in 2007 while working for the NHS, I am unable to sit down in a chair for very long. This has stopped me from having a proper job working in an IT department. I get support from the DWP and Oxford Job Centre.

From August last year until March this year, the GP who had taken over my care, forced me to keep reducing my opiates every month, which was doing far more damage than good. Because I have been taking opiates for pain control since mid 2007 and Oxycodine since March 2013, she viewed me as an addict and any requests to stop the reduction was brushed off. I had to get the doctor who looks after me at the pain unit to intervene. The opiate specialist I was forced to see against my will, by my family, set out a plan to keep reducing my opiates until I was at a level where I was getting a level of pain control, but with a much reduced intake. Long term opiate usage can cause a patient to feel more pain, due to hypersensitivity. This was happening to me. The GP interpreted this as getting me totally off opiates as I didn't actually need them anymore. Because of this I was suffering a lot of pain and I was really stressed and upset that I was powerless to get her to stop. My pain doctor was really great as he knows me pretty well, as he's looked after me since 2011.

I lost all progress I had made in 2016 and the weight I had lost and fitness gained, reversed almost immediately. I had been bed bound until I had my annual radio frequency treatment, which I asked to be moved to the start of summer, so I had as much good weather as possible, so I could get into the routine of walking and fitness training. Since late May I have lost 3 stone and I need to drop about another 5 stone to get to the target weight to have my spinal implant stimulator. I had to give up my car a few years ago, because with all my meds being altered each month, I wasn't safe to drive anymore and it really upset me seeing my beloved car just sat on the drive, slowly rusting away. I use to go out for car meets and car club a great deal and that was my main social life, as I could stay in my car (in one of a handful of seats that didn't put pressure on and hurt my back) when my back and legs hurt too much to keep walking around the car parks or meet sights. I had stopped going down to pubs back when I went onto my strong meds. I had a really bad drug problem, where I would take large amounts of a class A drug to help numb the pain in my back. I knew I didn't have the willpower to keep going out to the same places and not score. I also became teetotal and got involved with cars much more.

What I am getting at, as things have been since last year , I've just not physically able to go out and try and meet new people. I had seriously bad withdrawal symptoms, which mixed with my nerve damage just messed me up to the point my balance and strength were so poor I could hurt myself or someone else.

I don't have much self confidence in my appeal to women. It's not just the fact I'm not good looked, or the fact my health has been bad, or my overall situation. Most of my close friends have moved away from Oxford, so it's hard for me to meet new people. It wouldn't be healthy for anyone to get involved with me while I am trying to get my weight and fitness improved, so I can have a life changing device installed in my back, which will block the pain signals from my damaged nerves, by grafting wires into them, so an electric pulse shoots to the nerve, scrambling the pain signals. They then put a battery in my lower abdomen, which then gets charged wirelessly.

Once I can finally combat this constant pain and drain from my back, I think it will be better for me to try dating again, as I will be able to be much more fun to be around. I just need to overcome the really bad luck I have. I was on three dating sites for over a year and not one woman contacted or replied to me.
I wouldn't give up hope yet mate. I found a girlfriend at 25 stone, you're going to be just fine! :D The women that won't pay attention to you are not worth your attention, they're just not the right ones for you. Believe me when I say that a common interest can work wonders, find a woman into cars and guitars and you'll get on like a house on fire.
 

Felix

Addicted to Grunge
#42
I wouldn't give up hope yet mate. I found a girlfriend at 25 stone, you're going to be just fine! :D The women that won't pay attention to you are not worth your attention, they're just not the right ones for you. Believe me when I say that a common interest can work wonders, find a woman into cars and guitars and you'll get on like a house on fire.
It would be a real bloody miracle if I could find one who was into that!
 

Wade Garrett

I am the projectionist.
#43
It would be a real bloody miracle if I could find one who was into that!
Believe me, they are out there, I managed to find one! One of her mates is a bigger car nut than all of us combined, she owns four and is restoring a Mini from the ground up. She has a boyfriend though, a mechanic...see how that works? Chin up dude, I've got faith you'll meet the right person.
 

bad alice

Easily distracted and...OHLOOKAGUITAR!!!
#44
Believe me, they are out there, I managed to find one! One of her mates is a bigger car nut than all of us combined, she owns four and is restoring a Mini from the ground up. She has a boyfriend though, a mechanic...see how that works? Chin up dude, I've got faith you'll meet the right person.
@Felix by way of contrast, on paper there’s NO REASON WHATSOEVER to think that Mitch and I would ever have dated never mind married and have had (nearly) 10 of the happiest years of our collective lives together!
He’s into history, military strategy and has a fine collection of repro helmets, assorted swords and artifacts.
I love playing guitar, enjoy sports and graphic novels.
But BY FUCK we love and enjoy each other to pieces and occasionally (apologies for smugness:oops:) we pause to go “how the hell did we find each other?!”
Neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time either.
Fate/God/whatever plays a huge part in these things
I know it sounds like an empty cliche
But honestly, if it’s meant to happen for you (and I really hope it is) it will...
:hug:
:)
 

Felix

Addicted to Grunge
#45
My folks and I are going to be moving away from Oxford over the next 1 to 2 years. The house prices for the area of Oxford we live, have shoot up dramatically and my folks are now properly retired, would like to free up their capital. Once all my treatment for a Spinal Implant Stimulator is set up etc and we know I am getting it all done, they will more than likely put the house on the market and we will move to the NW in the Lancs part of the world. House prices are only a fraction up there, especially in the countryside. The other big reason is because of a girl.

I've had been online friends with this girl back in '99 and I ended up staying with her and her family. We always were texting each other and this would go on for years. Through my two messy relationship breakdowns, she always had been there for me to just talk about things. We were attracted to each other, but we were both young and were ok with just being friends. When I nearly died in Xmas 2010 and the first half of 2011, things started to change between us. She became the person I could trust and both our feelings have grown over the last 20 years. She's come down a few times to stay with us and my folks adore her. She is thoughtful, kind and honest. She remember my parents birthdays and sends them cards. Sarah even texts my mum, as they both get on like a house on fire. A few years ago, we both realised that we are pretty much perfect for each other, which family members on both sides have been saying for years.

Because of my health being really bad the last few years, it had become harder for me to do the 4+ hour journy up to her family's home. She is a care worker/nurse and her family are very close. She has two older sisters and between the two of them they have 3 kids. She's very close to them and they adore her. This meant that it was impossible for her to leave the area they all from. We both agreed, if we were able to see each other all the time, then we knew that we would finally become a real couple. Until last year, I didn't think there was anything left for the doctors to try on my spinal injuries and there was no way I was going to ever work or have a life. Now there is finally something that can return me to a good enough level of pain control, that I could get back into IT and finally get with Sarah. Because my folks want to help Sarah and I get together and give them grandchildren, they are willing to move near to where her family lives, which means I could commute into Manchester, which has a healthy IT demand.

Mum has only in the last few months agreed that it's time for us to move away from Oxford, as there are no family members left here, bar one cousin who I grew up with. Sarah and I are now trying to get to spend time together, before we move to be closer to her and for a nice countryside property to move. It's been really hetic for both of us in the last few months and when she was due to come down to stay a few nights, I was still waiting to get my nerves burned back and I was bed ridden. Now all of a sudden, we have the chance to make things work, so it's now a case of making sure I don't fuck up getting my body ready for the big operations and starting to look at houses in that area of the UK.

To me, she is really beautiful, both on the inside and the outside. She doesn't think she anything special (just how I don't think I am attractive at all). On Monday, I will finally see the neurologist and get a time table established on what needs to be done besides me loosing weight. Once my folks know what's going to happen, they will start to plan around that schedule and start property hunting.
 

Tankman

Subtly not giving a F*ck
#46
@Felix, sounds like a plan! Good luck!

If it's any help, when I met my wife I had just lost my job. After 2 years of Uni I decided to drop out, because I just could get used to the style of teaching and I really had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I chose my majors based on personal interest, but did not see any career opportunities in it. I decided to drop out and get a job and see where it takes me. I started working at a toy store, which was heaven, of course. Soon my manager asked if I was interested in becoming a manager myself. Of course I was. So for a while they had me manage the video game department as a way to gain experience. On the blue floor of that department, I was the boss. Even my manager treated me as such. They promised to pay for any education I needed to become the best manager I could be. This was full blown college courses.

I was still working on a temporary contract at the time. In the Netherlands you can receive a maximum of 3 contract extensions before they have to give you a permanent contract. Around the time I was supposed to receive this contract I got called into the office. They said that the economy was going down and they needed to get rid of one employee. There was a woman that just did not fit in the group, but she had a permanent contract which would cost them a lot of money to get out of. And there was me, with the promising future but a contract that was about to expire so they could get rid of me for free. So they did.

During my last week working in that store I met my wife. I was open an honest. I told her I just lost my job and I have no idea what I will be doing next with my life. All I know is I wanted to take her out on a date. She didn't care about what I did or didn't have. She cared about who I was. And now, here we are, over 9 years later, married for 4 years and expecting our first child.

As for my career. I decided that retail, marketing etc, all the things I did in the store were a great fit for me, so I enrolled in a Small Business & Retail Management major at a different University. I graduated, I have a great job now that pays well enough to be able to live comfortably and not have to worry about anything really.
 

ScutMonkey

Well-Known Member
#48
Apparently there was a debate about breast feeding while I was gone. It's actually a good example of the compromises you have when you are a parent. So much of it is about stacking the odds in your child's favor. Are they better off breast feeding? Yes - every study shows they are and in multiple ways. Does that mean your bottle fed child is going to grow up to be a monster? No, of course not. Schooling? Public/Private/Home schooling is the same thing. Studies are showing home school produces more successful children in general. Private schools have always produced more successful children than Public schools. Doesn't mean your kid can't succeed in a public school. You're just tipping the odds in one direction or another. I couldn't afford Private Schools and we can't home school so I did the best I could. I did a ton of research and I moved our family to the best public school in our area. And it's made a huge difference. The parents in our current district are far, far more involved and donate heavily to the school to make sure everything is funded above and beyond. However, I now have a much longer commute to work. Oh well. Hobbies? After School programs? Day Care? Stay at home mom/dad? You'll have a ton of choices and you won't be able to make the best choice for them in all areas. It's the way life is.

Just pay attention to all the choices you have to make and do the best you can to tilt the odds in your child's favor when you can.
 

bad alice

Easily distracted and...OHLOOKAGUITAR!!!
#49
Apparently there was a debate about breast feeding while I was gone. It's actually a good example of the compromises you have when you are a parent. So much of it is about stacking the odds in your child's favor. Are they better off breast feeding? Yes - every study shows they are and in multiple ways. Does that mean your bottle fed child is going to grow up to be a monster? No, of course not. Schooling? Public/Private/Home schooling is the same thing. Studies are showing home school produces more successful children in general. Private schools have always produced more successful children than Public schools. Doesn't mean your kid can't succeed in a public school. You're just tipping the odds in one direction or another. I couldn't afford Private Schools and we can't home school so I did the best I could. I did a ton of research and I moved our family to the best public school in our area. And it's made a huge difference. The parents in our current district are far, far more involved and donate heavily to the school to make sure everything is funded above and beyond. However, I now have a much longer commute to work. Oh well. Hobbies? After School programs? Day Care? Stay at home mom/dad? You'll have a ton of choices and you won't be able to make the best choice for them in all areas. It's the way life is.

Just pay attention to all the choices you have to make and do the best you can to tilt the odds in your child's favor when you can.
While we’re on the subject of parenting and life choices
I feel the need to add that you need to make sure your kids never try to drink an entire tub of Cremola Foam in a glass with a little bit of water poured in.
Like, NEVER.
I tried that when I was 9.
It wasn’t a good thing.
:cold:
Consider that solid intel passed on...
*finger guns*
:)
 
Last edited:

Chili Hobbes

So much time, and so little to do.
#50
While we’re on the subject of parenting and life choices
I feel the need to add that you need to make sure your kids never try to drink an entire tub of Cremona Foam in a glass with a little bit of water poured in.
Like, NEVER.
I tried that when I was 9.
It wasn’t a good thing.
:cold:
Consider that solid intel passed on...
*finger guns*
:)

Sounds like an awesome idea to me. I'm off to find that tin I have in the cupboard somewhere from 1986 to try it!
 

ScutMonkey

Well-Known Member
#51
While we’re on the subject of parenting and life choices
I feel the need to add that you need to make sure your kids never try to drink an entire tub of Cremola Foam in a glass with a little bit of water poured in.
Like, NEVER.
I tried that when I was 9.
It wasn’t a good thing.
:cold:
Consider that solid intel passed on...
*finger guns*
:)
Along those lines, never eat a spoonful of Hershey's unsweetened baking cocoa.
 

Tankman

Subtly not giving a F*ck
#54
See ? this is why I like it here ; it's the personal stuff which makes it. So happy for you Tankman , I can tell reading between the lines you'll be great parents. Love, it's pretty much the main answer to most parenting questions in my experience.
Thanks! I'm scared shitless, but also very excited and mostly impatient for him to finally be born.

The good part of a pregnancy is that you are not really living towards the due date but towards your next appointment. In the beginning we have the monthly visit to the midwife, which will increase in frequency as the pregnancy progresses. We also have the occasional ultrasound. Every now and then we plan a shopping for the baby day, like last Saturday. It makes it all go by a lot quicker.

We actually have the all important 20-week ultra sound tomorrow where they really go in depth to see if the baby is healthy or has any defects or anything. If we get the all clear tomorrow, we will be shopping for all the baby furniture in the afternoon. Up until now we've only bought smaller stuff like clothes, bath stuff etc.

On the other hand, seeing my drummer with his newborn brings back some of the impatience.
 

sidthekidlives

Well-Known Member
#55
Thanks! I'm scared shitless, but also very excited and mostly impatient for him to finally be born.

The good part of a pregnancy is that you are not really living towards the due date but towards your next appointment. In the beginning we have the monthly visit to the midwife, which will increase in frequency as the pregnancy progresses. We also have the occasional ultrasound. Every now and then we plan a shopping for the baby day, like last Saturday. It makes it all go by a lot quicker.

We actually have the all important 20-week ultra sound tomorrow where they really go in depth to see if the baby is healthy or has any defects or anything. If we get the all clear tomorrow, we will be shopping for all the baby furniture in the afternoon. Up until now we've only bought smaller stuff like clothes, bath stuff etc.

On the other hand, seeing my drummer with his newborn brings back some of the impatience.
Yep I remember all these emotions mate, hang in there , you'll all be fine !
 
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