The proud (future) mommy & daddy thread

[Felix]

@Tankman , I just want to offer you my upmost congratz to you and your wife.

While kids can be both a blessing and a nightmare, there is such joy I see in my friends who have started families. I bet you will laugh in private when you and your wife end up saying things to your kids, you swore never to do when it was done to you at their age!

I feel really guilty not being able to give my parents a grandchild, as I know they would totally love to have grandkids. I'm not a great catch or very sociable as I am, but as I am getting my weight and fitness sorted, I hope to find a good woman I can start a family with. I just wish I had been able to do it when I was in my 20's rather than my late 30's (right now) or most likely my 40's when I get fixed.

I hope if I do become a father, I never end up having a daughter as my first child, because I would be so stressed about keeping her away from the types of blokes I use to hang out with. Two of my closest friends who were utterly male sluts, who use to cheat and have countless one night stands, are now proud fathers to a daughter as their first born. I think Karma will always have the last laugh in these situations.

 

[JayXanderB]

I'm in the camp of never wanting kids. But the move of becoming engaged has earned me a 6-year old stepson so I have indirectly proved myself wrong!

 

[Tankman]

I'm in the camp of never wanting kids. But the move of becoming engaged has earned me a 6-year old stepson so I have indirectly proved myself wrong!

I remember being a leading member in that camp...

 

[Robstafarian]

Breastfeeding is very important. It allows the child to get important bacteria from their mother, as well as nutritional compounds which are only found in breast milk.

 

[Tankman]

Breastfeeding is very important. It allows the child to get important bacteria from their mother, as well as nutritional compounds which are only found in breast milk.

True, but not every mother is able to produce enough or sufficiently nutritious breast milk, which is why my wife decided to definitely try, but if it doesn't work, you really have no other choice.

 

[Tankman]

I feel really guilty not being able to give my parents a grandchild, as I know they would totally love to have grandkids. I'm not a great catch or very sociable as I am, but as I am getting my weight and fitness sorted, I hope to find a good woman I can start a family with. I just wish I had been able to do it when I was in my 20's rather than my late 30's (right now) or most likely my 40's when I get fixed.

@Felix , This part of your post bothers me a bit. I just came across this quote. I hope it helps you realise that if the woman you end up with is with you because of your looks, she is not the woman you want. The person you are will not change. Please don't feel offended or anything. Just my way of a peptalk I guess. I hope you achieve your goals. It is never too late. Anyhow, here's the quote:

"I once knew a man who was convinced that the reason no woman would date him was because he
was too short. He was educated, interesting, and good-looking—a good catch, in principle—but he
was absolutely convinced that women found him too short to date.
And because he felt that he was too short, he didn’t often go out and try to meet women. The few
times he did, he would home in on the smallest behaviors from any woman he talked with that could
possibly indicate he wasn’t attractive enough for her and then convince himself that she didn’t like
him, even if she really did. As you can imagine, his dating life sucked.
What he didn’t realize was that he had chosen the value that was hurting him: height. Women, he
assumed, are attracted only to height. He was screwed, no matter what he did."

 

[doctorpaul]

Breastfeeding is very important. It allows the child to get important bacteria from their mother, as well as nutritional compounds which are only found in breast milk.

MrsDoc would punch you square in the face if she read that (and if you weren’t several thousand miles away)!
The initial creamy goop (essentially the first feed) contains all of the good shit ... colostrum? Whatever.
My kids consumed the goop, then were bottle fed. Both are perfect.

That said, I was bottle fed, and I’m a pathological dick-wad ...

 

[bad alice]

MrsDoc would punch you square in the face if she read that (and if you weren’t several thousand miles away)!
The initial creamy goop (essentially the first feed) contains all of the good shit ... colostrum? Whatever.
My kids consumed the goop, then were bottle fed. Both are perfect.

That said, I was bottle fed, and I’m a pathological dick-wad ...

Seconded.
Well...the bit about the myth of the advantages of breastfeeding beyond the first feed anyway
And just having had a friend go through the screaming agony of mastitis - imagine pus filled abscesses in your blocked penis while you NEED to pee by way of comparison - and the subsequent RELIEF when the medication to stop her producing milk took effect only serves to underline this.
Waaaaay too much pressure is put on mother’s to breastfeed.
Some do and love it but for others there are better ways
Imagine the damage to your burgeoning relationship with your baby if you begin to dread every feed due to the pain you associate with it?
Not good.
So bottle feeding can have huge benefits, both short and long term, for both the Mum and the baby in question...

 

[Tankman]

I think a woman should choose. I've left it up to my wife. I have no say in this and I do not want a say in this. I only want a say in which formula we choose should she not continue with breastfeeding.

 

[doctorpaul]

MrsDoc tried it both times, and both times led to complications.
Giving my offspring their first large bottle of warm formula was as much a relief for them as it was for her.

 

[bad alice]

I hope if I do become a father, I never end up having a daughter as my first child, because I would be so stressed about keeping her away from the types of blokes I use to hang out with. Two of my closest friends who were utterly male sluts, who use to cheat and have countless one night stands, are now proud fathers to a daughter as their first born. I think Karma will always have the last laugh in these situations.

@Felix I second @Tankman’s comment on your post bud.
But also, we women/girls are not passive golden princesses who quietly wait for their man (or woman) to appear and our future lives are dependent and dictated by his/her behaviours.
In fact, some of us are the worst kind of vicious, uncaring hateful arseholes you could ever meet.
While others are saintly, godly, love filled beings of wonder.
But yep, most of us fall somewhere inbetween
I guess the point of bringing up a kid - girl or boy - is to prepare him/her for the world they will have to step out into as a “nearly grown up” one day
And bearing in mind none of us live in isolation then preparing us for as many kinds of social interactions with a variety of pleasant->utter wankstain individuals is part of that.
I was brought up to feel equal to men and handle myself in situations where an arsehole (make or female) might want to take advantage/abuse/hurt or manipulate me.
Yes, there have been times where all of those things have happened but the MOST IMPORTANT bit my parents taught me was to learn from every experience and figure out the person I wanted to be in life and where the lines in the sand are for me in terms of how I’m both treated by other people and the standards I set myself repricocally.
Being a good parent means preparing your kid, again female or male, for that journey...

 

[bad alice]

Folks, you have mistaken a concise statement regarding the benefit of breastfeeding for some kind of pressure campaign. In fact, in my part of the world, there has been a decades-long pressure campaign to sell formula to families which do not need it. All further explanation could be deemed political, thus you will have to trust that I am not a piece of shit.

Meanwhile, I have no idea why the fuck anyone would think that I need medical necessity explained to me.

Uh.
Uuuuh.
No, I didn’t read that as any kind of pressure campaign @Robstafarian
I just countered your point and then expanded my answer, that’s all.

 

[bad alice]

You pointed out that alternatives exist and can be beneficial, two facts which are understood by those posting in this thread. That is not a counter to a concise statement of the benefit of breastfeeding, as their is no inherent opposition. Your response, particularly following the Doc's, therefore seemed to imply a certain combativeness.

WTAF @Robstafarian?!!
Maybe we could get back to making this thread about @Tankman’s happiness at his growing family and not about you pedantry*.
And I’m off to damn well cool off a bit!


*there not their btw

 

[Chili Hobbes]

You pointed out that alternatives exist and can be beneficial, two facts which are understood by those posting in this thread. That is not a counter to a concise statement of the benefit of breastfeeding, as their is no inherent opposition. Your response, particularly following the Doc's, therefore seemed to imply a certain combativeness.

To be fair, and childish, you started it by randomly stating a fact everyone on earth knows. In my opinion you overstated it actually. "very important" ? Nah.

A wise scientist once said, "life, er, finds a way".

 

[doctorpaul]

I’m going to start deleting posts. Get back on topic and chill out.

 

[Tankman]

Maybe we could get back to making this thread about @Tankman’s happiness

Let's make it about parenting in general. I just used my situation as inspiration to start the thread.

 

[Tankman]

I’m going to start deleting posts. Get back on topic and chill out.

I was very confused until I read this....

 

[doctorpaul]

I was very confused until I read this....

Many of us are STILL quite confused mate!

 

[Chili Hobbes]

This was a test of your potential parenting dispute solving skills. You passed!

 

[Felix]

@Felix , This part of your post bothers me a bit. I just came across this quote. I hope it helps you realise that if the woman you end up with is with you because of your looks, she is not the woman you want. The person you are will not change. Please don't feel offended or anything. Just my way of a peptalk I guess. I hope you achieve your goals. It is never too late. Anyhow, here's the quote:

"I once knew a man who was convinced that the reason no woman would date him was because he
was too short. He was educated, interesting, and good-looking—a good catch, in principle—but he
was absolutely convinced that women found him too short to date.
And because he felt that he was too short, he didn’t often go out and try to meet women. The few
times he did, he would home in on the smallest behaviors from any woman he talked with that could
possibly indicate he wasn’t attractive enough for her and then convince himself that she didn’t like
him, even if she really did. As you can imagine, his dating life sucked.
What he didn’t realize was that he had chosen the value that was hurting him: height. Women, he
assumed, are attracted only to height. He was screwed, no matter what he did."

@Tankman , Thanks for saying that and I'm not offended. This is going to be a long reply to explain what I meant. When I say I am not much of a catch, is because of the state of my health and my current situation. Because of nerve damaged I suffered back in 2007 while working for the NHS, I am unable to sit down in a chair for very long. This has stopped me from having a proper job working in an IT department. I get support from the DWP and Oxford Job Centre.

From August last year until March this year, the GP who had taken over my care, forced me to keep reducing my opiates every month, which was doing far more damage than good. Because I have been taking opiates for pain control since mid 2007 and Oxycodine since March 2013, she viewed me as an addict and any requests to stop the reduction was brushed off. I had to get the doctor who looks after me at the pain unit to intervene. The opiate specialist I was forced to see against my will, by my family, set out a plan to keep reducing my opiates until I was at a level where I was getting a level of pain control, but with a much reduced intake. Long term opiate usage can cause a patient to feel more pain, due to hypersensitivity. This was happening to me. The GP interpreted this as getting me totally off opiates as I didn't actually need them anymore. Because of this I was suffering a lot of pain and I was really stressed and upset that I was powerless to get her to stop. My pain doctor was really great as he knows me pretty well, as he's looked after me since 2011.

I lost all progress I had made in 2016 and the weight I had lost and fitness gained, reversed almost immediately. I had been bed bound until I had my annual radio frequency treatment, which I asked to be moved to the start of summer, so I had as much good weather as possible, so I could get into the routine of walking and fitness training. Since late May I have lost 3 stone and I need to drop about another 5 stone to get to the target weight to have my spinal implant stimulator. I had to give up my car a few years ago, because with all my meds being altered each month, I wasn't safe to drive anymore and it really upset me seeing my beloved car just sat on the drive, slowly rusting away. I use to go out for car meets and car club a great deal and that was my main social life, as I could stay in my car (in one of a handful of seats that didn't put pressure on and hurt my back) when my back and legs hurt too much to keep walking around the car parks or meet sights. I had stopped going down to pubs back when I went onto my strong meds. I had a really bad drug problem, where I would take large amounts of a class A drug to help numb the pain in my back. I knew I didn't have the willpower to keep going out to the same places and not score. I also became teetotal and got involved with cars much more.

What I am getting at, as things have been since last year , I've just not physically able to go out and try and meet new people. I had seriously bad withdrawal symptoms, which mixed with my nerve damage just messed me up to the point my balance and strength were so poor I could hurt myself or someone else.

I don't have much self confidence in my appeal to women. It's not just the fact I'm not good looked, or the fact my health has been bad, or my overall situation. Most of my close friends have moved away from Oxford, so it's hard for me to meet new people. It wouldn't be healthy for anyone to get involved with me while I am trying to get my weight and fitness improved, so I can have a life changing device installed in my back, which will block the pain signals from my damaged nerves, by grafting wires into them, so an electric pulse shoots to the nerve, scrambling the pain signals. They then put a battery in my lower abdomen, which then gets charged wirelessly.

Once I can finally combat this constant pain and drain from my back, I think it will be better for me to try dating again, as I will be able to be much more fun to be around. I just need to overcome the really bad luck I have. I was on three dating sites for over a year and not one woman contacted or replied to me.